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  • Writer's pictureCynthia Tucker Bain - Author

Trophy Wife

This morning I had a call with my mentor. I love her so very much. She is a total badass. She accepts no excuses. She asks the hard questions. She guides with authority. She values herself and knows her worth.

“Tell me who you are and why you are here.”

I did the most natural thing. I started with my Facebook bio! I am… We all know that whatever follows “I am” is what we accept as our identity. I started with I am a Jesus girl first, foremost, and always. That is the most important. Oh, and I am a trophy wife (his words, not mine.) I could see the questions in her mind populate on her face. Fortunately, our internet was sketchy, so I did not have to elaborate at that early hour. However, as I have unpacked our conversation, I realized that I do in fact have things to say about embracing being a trophy wife.

First, let me share what Wikipedia says about the term TROPHY WIFE.

A trophy wife is a wife who is regarded as a status symbol for the husband. The term is often used in a derogatory or disparaging way, implying that the wife in question has little personal merit besides her physical attractiveness, requires substantial expense for maintaining her appearance, is often unintelligent or unsophisticated, does very little of substance beyond remaining attractive, and is in some ways synonymous with the term gold digger. A trophy wife is typically relatively young and attractive, and may be a second, third or later wife of an older, wealthier man. A trophy husband is the male equivalent.

So, one might ask why I accept these words as a part of my identity when most of the “accepted definition” is as far as the east is from the west in truth not to mention slanderous! I would say that Wikipedia does not know everything!

Here are a few truths. I have many noteworthy accomplishments and merits of my own. I do spend money on self-care but always after much deliberation. It often takes me longer to convince myself that I am worthy of a new toothbrush than it took OJ’s jury to deliberate. I am totally dating myself with that comparison. I do not consider myself to be sophisticated nor a gold digger. I prefer silver 😊. My husband is older than I am, but I keep him young with my shenanigans! He calls me Lucy! Oh, the stories…

So, what exactly is a trophy wife? Perhaps we should start with defining a trophy. A trophy is a physical object that reminds us of an achievement. A trophy is something that we treasure because of how it makes us feel. READ THAT AGAIN! A trophy is something that we treasure! With that being clarified, I am proud that my husband considers me his trophy wife. We have worked hard to make our marriage a place where we both feel safe, loved, respected, cherished, and CHALLENGED. More on being challenged later.

I feel adored and cherished every time that he holds my hand in church or when we pray. I feel like royalty when he opens the car door or holds the door open for me at the gym. Ladies, I do not feel insulted by these actions. I welcome them. Being loved like I have value and as God has commanded is exactly what being a trophy wife is. I believe my disclaimer of - his words not mine - reflect the fact that I was somewhat embarrassed by the term. I certainly have not owned it. I will be changing that momentarily.

I am most honored to be treasured and valued by my husband. If a trophy makes us remember that we are special, and I make my husband feel that…I accept. As a matter of fact, I embrace this with such love and significance that I bought him his very own trophy (seen in the photo accompanying this blog.) After all, he is my trophy too! Ladies and gentlemen, do you make your significant other feel like a trophy? Do you love them in such a way that they feel valued? I am not asking if you feel valued or loved. I am asking if you make your spouse feel that way. We are here to serve one another and serve well. Show the love of Christ by loving well. Laugh some too!

I mentioned challenging each other. I am just going to publicly state that I challenge my husband daily. Living with me is a great adventure! But, to love someone so much that you won’t allow them to stop showing up as their best self! He loves me like that. He continually challenges (aggravates) me to be better. He does not allow this trophy to sit on a shelf and gather dust. Nope. He polishes me like the trophy wife that I am. He has even been known to wash my filthy feet with Clorox wipes. That is a story for another day.

Until Next Time,

Jesus Girl and Proud Trophy Wife

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