Yesterday, I had my sweet Coco Beanie euthanized. There were so many lessons that I learned just by being me yesterday, by living in my own skin. My husband is back to traveling for work, so it was a challenge I faced alone (with his long-distance support of course.) I was reminded that I can do hard things! I CAN DO HARD THINGS!!!
I thought so many thoughts! I even thought that I am a thinker. I thought about Alfred Lord Tennyson’s quote,” ‘Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” There were moments yesterday when that quote really pissed me off. If only she had never been dumped here last October I thought! Yep, if only. If only I could just have rhino skin all the sadness and hurt could not reach me. The trouble with that is that rhino skin keeps all the feelings out - even the joy. We have to feel all the things. Coco brought me great joy. I loved hearing her single “woof” that she offered only to me. I loved seeing her begin to love and trust me. I loved giving her belly rubs. I loved seeing how happy food made her. Quite simply, I loved her. That is why I had to let her go and it really sucks. But, the truth is Tennyson was correct. I cannot imagine missing out on the joy of Coco. Her unexpected presence was God showing himself to me. She was a miracle and a blessing. One of the highlights of my life.
I was reminded that when we die, the world goes on just like it did moments before. Our impact only extends to the memories of those that knew and loved us. If only we could remember that in every encounter that we have with other people. Life would be so much better. The world would be so much kinder.
I was also reminded that we leave this world with nothing. We cannot take anything with us, not even our collar. We truly should be more present in our every second and live each one fully. We should focus so much less on stuff and things. We should breathe life in and breathe it out. Make memories. Smile. Feel the joy. Coco was so proud of her pink collar, but she was most happy about the fact that it meant she was mine. I gave it to her. I was her person. Not the collar itself. We should focus more on the meaning of the things than the things themselves because the things go away when we do.
Lastly, yesterday taught me that in order to write, I must live. I have to experience all of the things. I have to feel all of the things. My perspective on life is what I will leave behind. My words. My heart. I am so grateful that Coco’s albeit brief presence in my life gave me these to share.
Until Next Time,
C
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