During our last move, I was faced with the reality that I still have a scarcity mindset. I hang onto everything! Pretty empty boxes that perfume came in. Empty pill vials. Make-up brushes from 15 years ago. No exaggeration. The list goes on.
There are so many reasons that I do this but that will be the subject of another blog.
My friend that is caring for our home while we are away came over to help me with a few things. She also happens to be MY Mary Kay lady. I told her how proud that she would be to know that I threw away a whole container of old yucky make-up brushes and had downsized only keeping those that were of the highest quality.
This led us into a discussion where she confessed to often being guilty of the same behavior. We share a similar upbringing.
She asked how I brought myself to actually throw them out and not go grab them back out of the trash.
I told her that I had concluded that as long as I was holding onto “junk” my hands would always be too full for God to fill them with new life.
“Ahh. I like that,” she said while committing to trying that approach herself.
I have other SYMPTOMS of my own struggle with a scarcity mindset. Recently, accepting a position that was really not a good fit for my creative mind and trying to make myself fit into the structured box that the job required. I did this to feel some level of financial stability in a very uncertain time. If you have read my book, you know that I have been learning to breathe for quite some time now. I did not realize how this position was impacting me, my health, my relationship, my self-esteem and my mindset until I resigned today.
Messaging another friend letting her know that I had resigned, she asked,” Do you feel so happy and relieved? I am proud of you for that decision.”
My answer flowed freely without thought. “I feel like I can breathe again.”
Holding on to things, accepting less than what I deserve shows me that I have a faith problem.
God has never once let me down but has lifted me up and breathed life into me when I myself was not breathing on my own. The very first church that we attended in our new area and the friends that invited us are more evidence of His Holy presence, provision, and divine love for me. “Cynthia. Cynthia. I am in this. You can breathe!” Tears pour from my eyes as once again I feel His presence by letting go.
Still learning to breathe. Still learning to trust.
What are you holding onto to that you might need to let go of so that you can experience the richness of His love rather than slowly suffocating in a box that you aren’t supposed to be in - all the while holding your breath?
I promise whatever it is – a make-up brush, a job that does not quite fit the unique being that God made you to be is merely a symptom of a faith problem.
Let go. He will catch you!