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  • Writer's pictureCynthia Tucker Bain - Author

Create Your Own Yes


I have always been the girl that figures everything out. My mom used to always tell me, “Where there’s a will, there’s a way.” My husband calls me his get sh*& done girl. Marie Forleo wrote a book “Everything Is Figureoutable.” From the outside, it may seem easy with all the positive chatter about figuring things out. When you are the one that always comes through, people come to expect that you will. It is somewhat isolating. As a person who always figures sh&% out, people tend to leave you to it. You will find yourself amid all the chaos alone, only to be greeted by the crowd when you reach the finish line. There is a popular meme that summarizes by saying that people often view one as an overnight success because they don’t see everything that you did behind the scenes.


I have been figuring life out now for - well, a lady never shares her age!


I have heard no more times than I have heard yes. So, I have learned to create my own yeses. How do you create your own yeses? Expect no’s. Prepare for no’s. Don’t view them as a stop sign, but rather a detour. Be flexible! Be creative! Know that there is always more than one way. Sometimes you have to sit with it for a minute and wait.


I have come to feel a greater sense of satisfaction when the known way doesn’t work out, but my creative solution does.


Why am I sharing this now? Honestly, on Saturday I had what my husband would call a go to pieces. I was exhausted from a lifetime of figuring things out. I was reminded that I was human. I wanted to quit. I wanted to put some flannel pjs on (which I do not own) cover up with a blanket and my three furkids and numb my mind with Hallmark movies. Oh, and cry. I did that. Crying alone felt good because I had just told someone that I thought I was incapable of crying. I was right in the middle of that tunnel of chaos that I mentioned earlier and I felt alone. I felt like I was facing an insurmountable situation and I was coming up empty. No creative solution in sight. How was this possible for the girl who has always figured everything out?


Here I was. Wallowing. We all have to wallow. It is okay to wallow. However, it is not okay to be a lifetime wallower. Take a moment. Take a day. But, pick yourself up however you have to (be creative.) Dust yourself off. Put one foot in front of the other. Dress up. Show up. Change your perspective. Seeing things from the way you were is what got you here. Dead end ahead. Ask yourself, “What am I missing? There has to be another way.” Then, find it. But, whatever you do - DON’T QUIT.


For me, in my lifetime of figuring things out, I have learned the value of trusted friends when we feel that not only are our tanks empty but they have an enormous hole in them. First, I shared with my husband that I was beyond overwhelmed. In my case, sharing with my husband can be a risky move. He is a fixer. He doesn’t typically allow me to wallow. I did not need nor want to be fixed. I simply needed to recharge. In all the years that I have known and loved this wonderful man of mine, he showed up in the most amazing way. He listened. He hugged what felt like cracks in my core back together again. He walked beside me as I was and let me be. I guess over the years he has learned that I may have a momentary fall, but after recharging, I come back swinging every time. I messaged my dear friend from my bathroom that I was ugly crying. (Ladies, why do we do this in the bathroom and watch ourselves?) My friend, who pretty much knows everything about me, told me to get out of my house and to do something else. Anything else. (Physically remove myself from the things consuming me for a bit so I could see them from a different perspective.) Little by little, I felt balance returning to me. I was no longer on the defeated side, nor had I solved my issue. If I were on a teeter totter, I would have been dead center. Still faced with the issue, sitting with it, thinking.


It is now 2 days later and I still don’t have it all figured out. I even laid awake for hours thinking of my challenge like a 1000 piece puzzle whose pieces had just been dumped all over the floor. Where to start? One piece at a time. I am recharged and refocused and certain that I have climbed higher mountains than this one. I am focused on creating my own yes. There is hope in that. When the world says no, you just say yes and figure out how to make it so one piece at a time. It may look like a big mess now but the masterpiece is in front of you.


Create your own yes.

Until Next Time,

C


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